Loss & Grief — a deer poem
The daily walk with dogs and pine fresh air.
A deer is grazing in the green,
rare to witness in our local woods.
Ears prick up, she turns alert and stares.
For one still moment all is quiet
as domestic and the world of wild connect.
then — fear and instinct, exploding into frenzy,
away she flies in flight from baying dogs,
long legs blur with speed and grace
and three crazed hounds in thundering pursuit.
oh no!! — and then I see there is a fence
between the chasers and the chased.
But panic has not served this female well.
Thinking speed will be her friend,
she turns and fails to see the wires.
I watch in horror of her crash
before she turns again, for cover and escape.
Thank God, my defeated pets return
knowing they can’t reach their speedy prey
my anxious whistle pierced their rabid state
to bring them back to heal and wait
with lolling tongues, and open panting mouths
expecting treats for their obedience.
New scents distract and they forget
but I am filled with stress and disbelief
at what on earth took place just now,
relieved SHE seemed unscathed and got away.
Next day, responding to my barking dogs,
I find, to my dismay, a dying deer
horrifically impaled upon our boundary fence.
The same majestic beauty we’d encountered
now panting out her last enfeebled breaths.
I cut her free and rest her on the ground.
I kneel before her, praying for her life,
knowing we had caused this tragedy.
Finding water to dribble through her lips
I touch her flank and sense a pregnancy.
Am I trying to save two lives not one?
Such intimacy between two worlds.
I want to run, but know I have to stay.
Tears flow. Her life-force ebbs away.
Last strain of wounded body, last laboured breath,
the twitch of slender limbs, and then she’s gone.
I sense her spirit rising from her corpse
as our eyes meet. Hers empty and unseeing
mine awash with anguish and dismay
Why did it have to be this way?
I slump and feel the weight of cruel loss
while the dampness of the reassuring earth
speaks to me of cycles, life and death.
SHE’s brought to me a sacrificial gift,
release at last of all my pent up grief,
for all my losses, all my pain and all inevitable deaths;
compassion for the known and the unknown — everywhere.
